Most Christmas letters deal with the surface overview of our
year’s life, and that is needful, if we are to stay informed on the what and
where of our friends’ history; however, I don’t ever remember reading a
Christmas letter that revealed the inward struggles of our souls or words like
David wrote, “Your waves and breakers have swept over me” (Ps
42:7). Sometimes, however, I think a letter like
that is necessary too so that we can profit from one another in the comfort of
God and the eternal lessons that mean so much more than surface news. We are creatures of soul and spirit. So much of our time and meditations are spent
plunging into the depths of spiritual thoughts, wrestling with lies, trying to
heal heart wounds and overcome bitterness, sorting through the “stuff” of life
to find God and walk with Him—or, as I just read somewhere, turning up the
volume so as to drown out all the voices that we can’t escape. That, of course, doesn’t heal the wounds or
reconcile the problems; it delays the reckoning. I say all that by way of introduction to the
kind of year we’ve had. It has probably
been the hardest year my sister Mary and brother-in-law Caleb--along with
myself and the whole family--have had to endure, firstly due to one particularly
very severe trial that was foremost directed at Mary and Caleb, and secondly
due to many other secondary trials that have added salt to the wound. My goal in this discussion is to draw
attention to the grace of refinement that God has worked in the furnace,
without going into the nitty-gritty of the events.
I cannot go into the exact matter of the primary trial (and
I will not take the time to discuss the secondary ones, related and unrelated),
but we were essentially thrust into the furnace that had been heated “seven
times hotter” (Dan 3:19). Yet, looking
back over the year, many—if not all in my family—who have been walking in that
furnace would have to testify that the LORD has been there with us, keeping us
from being consumed, yea, even refining us through it. That is not to say that there are deep wounds
that may never heal and floods of tears that may never dry up until the Day of
Jesus’ return, though we pray for healing before then. In the midst of that mid-furnace walk, there
has been an opening of the well of our soul.
Some if not all of us in our family have testified to finding the most
rooted truths of God’s Word called into question in our minds, the most
“unshakeable” confidences in our salvation being shaken, and the most “sure”
principles of our daily living being challenged.
The stroke of injustice had hit us where it mattered. It was as though the sword had pierced our
own home. I had always asked myself how
Christians in lands of severe physical persecution face and even forgive their
persecutors who had maimed them or kidnapped their children or murdered loved
ones in their family, including children.
Well, it’s not in the human DNA
to forgive such injustice. It’s in the
divine DNA . And the truth is, if we can’t forgive, then
we suddenly come to grips with the reality that we are not plugged into the
divine DNA . This conjures up in my mind a testimony given
by Corrie TenBoom when she was on tour to share her and her family’s story of
rescuing Jews during World War II, getting caught, being severely persecuted in
the concentration camps, and losing her family to cruelty. She tells of seeing a guard that she
recognized, who had humiliated her in the concentration camp, coming up to her
with a huge smile and extended hand to tell her how her story had impacted him
and how Jesus had saved him. Her
humanness was utterly repulsed, but her faith in God forced her to forgive and
shake that man’s hand in spite of all the agony of her emotions. God in His power honored her obedience and
gave her true forgiveness immediately after she acted with forgiveness. “Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must
remain in the vine. Neither can you bear
fruit unless you remain in me” (John 15:4).
I have realized through this year that such a depth of forgiveness
cannot be forced. The best human therapy
cannot bring about a true releasing and cleansing of bitterness that we harbor
against our enemies. Only God’s power
can do that, and only the absorption—the “chewing of the cud”—of the truth of
God’s Word regarding God’s perfect sovereignty, His bringing about perfect
justice, our own eternal debt for His forgiveness of our black hearts, and His
perfect love for us in the midst of unthinkable pain, can bring about the mind
and heart transformation that allows our emotions to follow.
An experience like this humbles to the core. We as a family have come to realize that
apart from the power and grace of Jesus Christ, we are incapable of any good,
of thinking anything good, of loving as God would have us to love, of forgiving
our enemies (everyone can forgive their friends), of not forsaking the faith of
Jesus Christ, of not returning to our enemies the same sins that were given to
us (even if they be in the form of inward hatred and mental murder), and of
walking the path of obedience in opposition to the demonic shrieks of all our
raw feelings.
One good friend said to me in the midst of this trial, “Why
would God allow such a thing to happen to such a wonderful family?” I’ve been chewing on that. That was a lie of Satan dipped in sugar. First, we are not a wonderful family, but by
the grace of God. Second, the more
righteous we are, the more Christ would glorify himself through us by exposing
to ourselves and everyone else that our worth is in unshakeable faith and utter
dependence on Him. That heart exposure
must come through affliction. Third, the
more righteous we look, the more
Christ would strip us of our self-made “rags” (Is 64:6) of outward glory and
cause us to realize that we are actually “blind and naked” (Rev 3:17) needing
the “salve” (Rev 3:18) of His righteousness upon our self-righteous
hearts. Fourth, the more our Lord would
seek to woo us to Himself as a bride to her husband, the more He would need to
make our lives on this earth all the more loathsome so that we do not find any
desire in them but only in the light of how they shine on the glory and beauty
of our Beloved. Thus, if we are
chastened, we are eternally blessed! If
we are left to enjoy the morsels of earth, to feel the comforts and stability
of earthly pursuits, and to sense that we “do not need a thing,” the more
utterly miserable we are! Oh that we
would be given by our Husband and King an experience of the great earthquake
that is to come upon this earth, before it
comes: to feel the shaking of all our sensibilities, all our comforts, all our
idols, all our hopes and earthly desires—all those things that in a moment are
utterly destroyed at the word of His mouth!
Surely in that Day, will not all things that seem wonderful on this
earth suddenly become worthless? Will
not bank accounts seem as nothing? Will
not health seem as nothing? Will not
fame and fortune seem as nothing? Will
not being known, being loved, being remembered, being saved and being upheld by
the King of Kings be EVERYTHING?
Finally, we are called to
suffering, that all our hopes and purpose on earth might be cast at the feet of
our Heavenly Father, that all we do on this earth might be for His glory and
will, not our own. Jesus said that no
one is greater than his master. Jesus,
our master, leads the way in a life of suffering unto the redemption of
mankind. God has chosen the “weak and
foolish” means of this world (1 Cor 1:26-31) to bring about a great harvest of
souls, and we must trust the Father, who orchestrates the big picture and our
purpose and role in the midst of suffering to that end.
The Lord is so full of grace and healing. Even in the midst of such a tumultuous year,
He was so gracious to sprinkle our wounds with the oil of joy. He has given us daily mercies, never-failing
abundance of food and clothing and shelter, help and comfort in times of great
need, and the miracle of new life! On
January 3rd of this year (2017), our daughter Hannah Joy was born to
us, and I might add, with much less difficulty than the birth of our son. This was a special mercy to me, as I was
going into that labor very tired and ragged and asking God for just that kind
of birth. He was most gracious to answer
that prayer! This year, probably due to
its intensity, has just flown by, and now, our daughter is nearly 1 year old,
crawling, chewing, and growing! J Our son,
also, has made significant advancements in his maturity, having turned 2 in
July. He runs all over the place, trying
to push every button he can and reach every light he can turn on! He loves lights, pouring water (or pennies or
various materials) from one vessel to another, and playing with every sort of
gadget. He also enjoys cars and balls,
and when he releases a car from the top of his roller coaster toy, he does
something of a dance! Michael has also
been greatly blessed in his work at Picatinny Arsenal and has received raving
reviews. He was enriched by two training
trips this year, one in MD and one in GA.
The Lord has also been so gracious to provide enough financially through
Michael’s job that Rachel has completely laid off the editing work to focus on
home management and raising the children.
If our Lord tarries, may He bless every one of you this
coming year with the kind of joy that He has given to us this year.
Much love in our Savior Jesus,
Michael, Rachel, Timothy & Hannah Joy
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